Marriage 101 (Part 2): “Don’t marry who you love!” – The greatest marital advice I ever got

Marriage 101 (Part 2): “Don’t marry who you love!” – The greatest marital advice I ever got

“I can’t marry you, I see you as a brother/sister!”


I have seen lots of good people allow great men and women who would have made exceptional spouses slip off of their fingers because of the above statement.

In my own experience, there was a lady friend of mine that I started considering marriage some years ago.

We were very close friends in the university and could discuss anything with each other.

In fact several people thought we were dating but we weren’t.


Some years after graduation, I called her up on the phone to express my heart before her.

READ ALSO: Marriage 101 (Part 1): “Don’t marry who you love!” – The greatest marital advice I ever got

I told her how amazing I thought it would be if our friendship translated into marriage.

She turned down the idea insisting that she saw me as a brother. I jokingly said, “but nor be my mama born you.”

I definitely know that you can’t possibly have a love relationship with every friend of the opposite s3x.

You shouldn’t, even.

But I consider it a lack of understanding to turn down a proposal from a man just because you already share a cordial brotherly relationship with him or to friend zone a sister because you guys are close.


The truth is brotherhood and friendship are the greatest glue for marriage.

We all know how we relate with our siblings.

We can have a heated quarrel one minute.

Just when people think we would never talk to each other again, they will see us gisting and playing again.

Why? The bond of brotherhood is drawing us back to each other.

In my maternal family where I grow up when you see them quarrel or argue you will think that they would never reconcile.

Sooner than later you will see all of them laughing like nothing ever happened.

That’s the power of brotherhood.

Unfortunately, this is lacking in many marriages.

The couples were never brethren let alone friends before marriage.

They probably met somewhere in town.

Got attracted to each other, fell head over heels in love and landed in marriage in no time.

That is why many men can take a lot of rubbish and insults from their blood sisters but can’t take half of such from their wives without being violent.

Brotherhood is grossly missing!

Let me show you some verses in the Bible that drive home this point:

Songs of Solomon 8:1 – “If only you were to me LIKE A BROTHER, who was nursed at my mother’s breasts! Then, if I found you outside, I would kiss you, and no one would despise me.”

Songs of Solomon 4:9-10:

9 ~ You have captivated my heart, MY SISTER, my bride; you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. (ESV)

10 ~ How fair is thy love, MY SISTER, my spouse! how much better is thy love than wine! and the smell of thine ointments than all spices! (KJV)

Apparently, these two folks are crazily in love.

See how contemporary their lyrics sound.

But notice the mention of brother and sister before a lover.

If brotherhood would take roots in marriages the rate of divorce will reduce drastically.

Many of us have taken a lot of ‘shet’ from our blood relatives yet we have never disowned them.

But if a fragment of such would ever come from our spouses, hell will visit the earth on that day.

Some men are quick to flinging their wives luggage out of the house.

Why? No brotherly love.

No compassion! What brought them together in the first place was puppy love.

Hormones were in charge! Or it was ATM Cards getting married to hips and waist.

What I am sharing with you has helped my wife and I have very minimal conflict.

It has helped us to easily apologize to each other.

“I am sorry” is not heavy to say for each of us.

Brotherly love will carry you on when emotional love is low.

It will bind you together in the seasons of nil romance.

Consider yourself blessed if you ever marry your brother or sister.

READ ALSO: How to Deal with a Nagging Partner

Even Abraham made his servant swear that Isaac’s wife must be chosen from amongst his brethren.

Don’t you see the wisdom in it?

Well, I hope this helps somebody.

This wisdom is not taught in Hollywood nor Nollywood.

It only comes from the author of all wisdom – God!

P.S: Please share if this makes sense. I appreciate your numerous shares, likes, and comments in my previous post.

Written by Treasure Kalu

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