If you are a single lady please gather here. I want to advise you like my own blood sister or as I would my own daughter.
In my previous post, I advised that we choose our devils carefully.
It breaks my heart when I see brilliant and godly ladies who were doing very well as singles fall into the wrong hands just because they want to have ‘Mrs.’ in front of their names.
I have seen ladies lose their ministries, careers, businesses, happiness and lustre just because they married a wrong man – there are spirit-filled sisters married to chain smokers, alcoholics, drug addicts, wife beaters, yahoo boys; just because they are desperate to marry.
It’s better to remain single and fulfilled than enter into a wrong marriage.
For your own safety and sanity, think carefully before marrying men who have all or some of the following bad qualities:
1. Men who lack the fear of God
By the fear of God, I don’t mean neccesarily mean a man who attends church.
A man who fears God is one who reveres Him and has a conscience that is very much alive.
Your security as a woman lies not in the fact that your husband loves you but that he fears God.
A man can love you and still beat you up. He can love you crazy and still sleep with other women.
But if he fears God, he will practise restraint.
Being born again is not even enough! Not all born again folks have the fear of God.
God has different kinds of children.
Some born again men are still in the ICU of God’s psychiatric hospital.
2. Men who are not submitted under any authority
A man who is a lord unto himself is a time bomb waiting to explode.
Every man should have someone that he fears; someone who can still scold him when he goes wrong.
Once a man grows to a point where nobody can correct him anymore, he can become a monster.
As a woman there should be people you can report your husband to if he messes up.
I am a product of mentorship.
There are people I hate to ever offend.
If by human frailties I ever offend them, I will quickly make up for it.
Before our wedding, I took my wife to see at least 7 different mentors of mine.
Some of their advice are still helping us tremendously.
3. Mummy’s boys!
These are men who cannot take any decision of their own without involving their mothers.
Their mothers literally control their lives.
My sister, you may end up with endless clashes with your mother-inlaw.
It’s good we honour our mothers but we must realise that out of sentimental attachment to their sons, some mothers can be unreasonable with their daughters-inlaw.
Should any issue spring up between you and your mother-inlaw, your husband is supposed to move forward to take bullets on your behalf and get the matter sorted out but when he’s a mummy’s puppet, my sister your case will be ‘gobe!’
My late mum was so attached to me that I started being scared for my future wife.
After secondary school, she began to sing into my ears never to marry from a certain tribe.
I wasn’t sure where my wife will come from and I didn’t want any embargo placed on me.
I decided to fight that battle ahead of time even though I was still far from marriage at that time.
My mum and I argued and quarreled several times over the issue.
It was so intense that she threatened to drink acid if I dared it.
I remained respectfully stubborn.
You would think that I was ready for marriage.
My mum had never seen me display such strong will; she even cried over the issue.
I kept churning out both logically and biblical points to defend my stand.
All of her reasons were merely sentimental and biased.
One day she called me and said “my son you are right.
I noticed I haven’t mentioned anything about godly values all along.
Just ensure you marry a god fearing woman who will support you.
She then prayed for me and my future marriage.
That’s how I sorted that case even before I got into the university.
A mummy’s boy cannot do that.
4. Visionless men
A woman should find security, fulfilment and expression in her husband’s vision.
Therefore a man who cannot see beyond his nose is a risk.
Someone once said, “don’t marry a man because of his television, marry him for his vision because it will eventually put you on television.”
A simple way to know a man of vision is by his bold utterances.
He talks big all the time.
He may not have a dime in his pocket but by his audacious utterance, you will think he has billions in his account.
He will tell you all the countries in the world that he will take you to.
He will share big dreams with you.
You will also notice that he is moving no matter how slow or small in the direction of his dreams.
Visionless men will keep you perpetually small and will suffocate you if you ever attempt to rise beyond the status quo.
5. Lazy and Idle men
To be a man is alot of work.
It takes work to ensure the family doesn’t go hungry.
A lazy man will bring you into unnecessary hardship and suffering.
A hardworking man may not have a job but he will always have work to do.
A couple of ladies jilted me or turned down my proposal because I had no job.
Yes, I didn’t have a 9-5 job but I have always been busy.
I sold books, I sold gospel audio messages, I did (and still do) network marketing, I sold branded t-shirts and lots of volunteering.
I have never been idle all my life.
Not having a job is no more an excuse.
There are hundreds of things you can do to earn a decent income if you do your research.
6. Men who lack financial discipline
Some men can squander a million Naira within 3 days.
Once money enters their hands, they become restless until the entire sum is spent.
They engage in impulsive buying alot.
Such men are always in debts.
My sister if you don’t want to suffer or if you don’t want to be visiting the police station all the time, avoid this kind of men.
One of the best things that ever happened to me is that I learnt financial discipline on time.
You will never catch me in impulsive buying except for books and training programs.
My wife can testify that these are the only two things that can crack me open.
But clothes, shoes, and fashion accessories don’t have such hold over me.
There’s time for everything and men are in phases.
I don’t compare myself with anybody.
Whenever I am in any debt, clearing it becomes top priority.
I hate to have people knock at my door or call my phone endlessly because of an outstanding debt.
I strive to avoid debts as much as possible.
Every time money comes into my hands, how to use it to keep the family happy and comfortable is my dorminant thought.
I have had to deny myself of alot of personal needs but I am always glad when I see my wife, my daughter and those who live with us comfortable.
Money is one of the top 3 things that lead to divorce.
It is important you pay attention to this.
Don’t excuse it, don’t explain it away.
This list is not exhaustive but I think it can help a sister alot in her decision making process. Peace!
Feel free to add your contribution below. Don’t forget to share with your friends.
Written by Treasure Kalu