Marriage 101 (Part 4): “Choose your ‘devils’ carefully”

Marriage 101 (Part 4): “Choose your ‘devils’ carefully”Photo Credit: Treasure Kalu

One of the greatest favours you can ever receive is to marry right. Marriage is so powerful that it can determine your lifespan.

I think it was a COO at Facebook that said, “marriage is the greatest career choice you can ever make.”

The difference between enjoying or enduring marriage is in the choice of a spouse.

There are many married folks who are wishing they were rather single.

READ ALSO: Marriage 101 (Part 1): “Don’t marry who you love!” – The greatest marital advice I ever got

They are asking themselves every day – “is this the marriage that has been highly hyped? Is this it?”

I tell single people, don’t see being single as a curse.

At least you still have a golden opportunity to make a good choice.

There are certain freedom you enjoy as a single person that you must give up once you get married.

For example, I don’t travel at will as before.

There are at least three trips I should have made between January and March but family commitments wouldn’t let me.

In choosing a life partner, note that you will never find a perfect person.

None exists! Some of us need to review our wishlists because they are unrealistic.

Only you want a good fearing person.

Good! You want a good looking person, you want him or her to be tall; you also want a firebrand tongue-speaking partner and someone very rich. Haba!!!

I have observed that it is hard to get everything you desire in a potential partner at the beginning.

You must have to compromise certain things.

Many of the things you desire in a partner will have to be cultivated by you.

But in making your consideration, choose the ‘devils’ you can deal with.

Don’t allow naivety or romance make you ignore red flags.

You must know the things you can’t cope with in a spouse.

Don’t explain them away or claim that you will change the person when you get married.

READ ALSO: Marriage 101 (Part 2): “Don’t marry who you love!” – The greatest marital advice I ever got

Nobody has ever succeeded in being a marriage evangelist.

The work of changing a person is not in your job description, it is for the Holy Spirit.

Moreso, you can’t change an adult who is unwilling to change.

Many people have entered a lifetime of unhappiness in marriage by wrongly assuming that they will change their partners. Marriage is such a long journey for you to be unhappy.

Your happiness should be your number one goal and not even marriage should tamper with it.

It is better to remain single and happy than to be married and sad perpetually.

During courtship, God in His infinite mercies will always create scenarios for you to witness many of the weak sides of your partner.

But if none ever happens, your prayer should be “Father if there’s anything in him or her that will be detrimental to my future well-being, expose it…” This is a serious matter! Not all of the red flags will even have spirtual undertone. Some will be intellectual.

There was a certain lady I broke up with some years ago.

We started out well but within 2-3 months the red flags started waving.

She had a strong language interference in her accent which I didn’t mind.

I had made up my mind that I will get her an elocution coach eventually.

But the one that puctured my confidence was the day she asked me to review a letter she wanted to send to her HR Manager.

After reading the letter, I froze.

I didn’t know how to even correct it because every line had a major error. Wrong tenses and all. Sincerely, a primary 4 pupil will write better.

Mind you, this was a graduate working in a financial institution.

I had to ask, “please what grade did you make in English language in your WAEC? She got the message and was pissed.

Her reply was “Oga abeg if you wan correct somethin correct make I go submit am… ” To save my energy, I had to rewrite the entire letter for her.

Later in the day, I drew her attention back to the issue but she picked up a quarrel with me.

That showed me how unteachable she was.

I asked myself that day, “Treasure can you cope with this?” This is me that is always stretching myself to be better.

If you knew me 5 years ago or just 3 years ago, you can tell I have improved in many fronts.

I am a lifetime learner.

I am constantly on learning mode.

I have a global vision, I needed a woman that can fit in quickly in no time.

But this particular one wasn’t looking like it.

Hunger for knowledge was grossly missing.

I don’t want a wife that will embarrass me with funny English expreasions in public. This was a red flag for me.

I didn’t pull out immediately. I tried to focus on her strength. Then, another red flag showed up.

As I normally do with most ladies I dated, I usually request to meet their dad after some months.

I did the same for this particular lady. During our meeting, her dad asked me when we intend to get married.

I gave him the date that both of us had earlier on agreed.

Some days later she called me to say that her dad says we should hold our wedding at a date way earlier than what we had in mind.

That period was going to be the best time for a show off at the villa as many dads from the east like to do.

Both of us knew that the resources were not available and we were not even prepared.

This issue degenerated to several arguments.

I saw another red flag – a lady who will value the words of her family more than mine.

It will likely become a marriage regulated by in-laws. I was not ready for such battles.

We couldn’t get into the same page on the issue.

Soon, every time I called, her line was always busy for several minutes.

At some point I got tired of all the drama; I had to quit.

Just as that year was ending, I respectfully told her that she should drop the idea of marriage as I don’t see us succeeding together.

She got married some months later.

Praise God for her!

Apart from the qualities of your spouse, you also need to consider family devils.

This is a serious matter.

Don’t walk blindly into any family tree.

Do your research about them.

Some families are perpetual spiritual battle grounds.

From the moment you become a part of them via marriage, you automatically enter into battles.

There are certain families you enter into that you cannot afford to miss praying for any day.

Some battles are so fierce that you must make fasting your lifestyle.

This is not to discourage any body but to bring you to awareness.

Sometimes, you may be the one God has anointed to bring liberation to the family you have married into.

READ ALSO: Marriage 101 (Part 3) – “Wait! I’m still Praying About It”

Carefully do your research and choose the family devils you can put up with.

Don’t walk blindly into battles that you were never prepared for.

The book of proverbs says a wise man sees danger and takes cover but the foolish walks on and is destroyed.

Choose your devils carefully.

Don’t let romantic love make you ignore this admonition.

In my next post I will share some danger signs to look out for in men and women alike.

Written by Treasure Kalu

P. S: Thank you for sharing my previous posts. It’s amazing how people are connecting with these mesages.