Is your spouse cheating on you? The mere thought of it is driving you nuts! You’ve got your suspicions, but you need to get indisputable proof that your spouse is being unfaithful in your marriage.
Maybe you’re spouse is secretive about phone calls they get at odd hours.
Maybe a friend spotted him or her with another person, and they “appeared” to be too friendly.
Or, the private investigator you hired, as a last ditch effort to verify your distrust, hasn’t come up with any real, conclusive evidence either.
You’re still not sure!
It can be frustrating not knowing.
Is your spouse cheating behind your back , or not?
The uncertainty is killing you!
You start questioning yourself.
Why me? Why my marriage?
But, and this may be cold comfort, don’t think for one minute that your marital situation is unique.
Take a look at the following facts & figures:
- % one/both spouses admit to infidelity (physical/emotional) – 53 %
- % men committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had – 55 %
- % women committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had – 50 %
Source: Institute for Family Studies (2018) ifstudies.org
O.K. Now what?
Let’s take the worst case scenario.
You find out your wife or husband is definitely having an affair!
What course of action do you take if your partner is cheating?
What do you do when you learn that you’re a victim of infidelity?
Stop. Take a Deep Breath
The most important thing you can do first is not do anything, just yet.
Take a deep breath and walk away.
Give yourself some time to manage the flood of emotions you’re no doubt experiencing.
Clear your head.
It’s very tempting to throw out all of their belongings, run away and hide, or seek some sort of vengeance.
Don’t! You’ll only regret it later.
ALSO READ: Coping With Life After Divorce – 5 After Divorce Survival Tips
Take time to sort through your feelings before you’re ready to deal with your unfaithful spouse face-to-face.
Only you will know when the time is right.
Try to Maintain the Façade
Until you’re prepared to deal with your partner’s infidelity, you’ll want to act as if everything is normal.
If he or she gets wind that something is wrong, they may force you to confront the cheating before you’re good and ready.
While it may be extremely difficult to behave like nothing is wrong, it will buy you some time to come to terms with your spouse’s betrayal.
You may also be able to gather more evidence of their cheating, and decide how you want to handle the situation.
Want a divorce? Then you’ll need this time to get advice from experts, and start searching for a good divorce attorney.
On the other hand, if you want to try to fix your marriage, you’ll have the opportunity to consult with marriage counselors or relationship coaches.
Ask The Questions You Need to Ask
Once you’re ready, it’s time to confront your spouse.
Ask the questions you need to ask.
And, take as long as you need to process the answers.
For example, when you confront your spouse, and they admit to the affair, you may need a few days before you’re ready to ask about details.
There’s no set timetable, and there are no right or wrong questions to ask.
Each person deals with infidelity in their own way.
Forget About the “Other Person”
The person your spouse is/was having an affair with isn’t the real problem!
People dealing with infidelity often focus their anger and emotions on “the lover”.
However, it is your spouse who betrayed you!
You cannot fix anything by seeking revenge on the other person.
You can, however, take action by honing your attention directly onto your partner or spouse.
Get Practical – Put Yourself First
Now isn’t the time to let your emotions dominate your life.
Take care of yourself, both physically and emotionally.
What do you need?
- Do you need counseling?
- Do you need to get your finances and legal documents in order?
- Do you want to fix the marriage, or do you want out?
- Do you need to talk to friends, and find something positive to focus on?
There’s no pain quite like discovering that your husband or wife is being unfaithful.
ALSO READ: How Men Think – All You Must Know
But, it can take a long time to come to terms with the truth.
Don’t rush things!
Remember, at the beginning of the article, we said that we were looking at the worst situation?
We knew for certain, no “ifs” no “buts”, your spouse is a cheater.
But, what if you’re wrong? Is your proof real, undeniable, rock solid?
Is your spouse cheating? Maybe their behavior has been misinterpreted, and it’s all circumstantial.
So, before you go on the attack, just be 100% sure of your facts!
And also bear in mind, infidelity doesn’t have to be the end of a marriage. But, of course, that’s your call!